If you’re like most people, you might have assumed that online sex chat sites are used solely as a form of pornography. Someone has an itch they’d like to get scratched, so they download an app, see who’s online, and engage in a little self-pleasure. You wouldn’t be wrong in thinking this—many people use sex chat for just these reasons. But, couples are also likely contenders to get into the sex chat game to safely fulfill their threesome fantasies. Here’s why.

Threesomes: One of the Most Common Fantasies

Many couples are eager to try something to spice up their relationship—especially once they get to the committed, long-term stage. Passionate sex tends to taper off, even in the healthiest of relationships, and is replaced by something a little more routine. Getting into a routine doesn’t mean the couple is boring. In fact, more often than not, it means they’re busy and they know what works. Who wouldn’t want a guaranteed orgasm in twenty minutes flat, three times a week? The problem is that, after a while, it becomes mundane.

To solve this, couples might buy sex toys or lingerie, or begin indulging in their longtime fantasies. And fantasies about a threesome are one of the most common kinds. Why are so many people interested in multi-partner sex? With 5% of women and 2% of men identifying as bisexual, it’s no wonder people want to experiment in a safe environment with their partner. Some people settle down before they get the chance to explore all corners of their sexuality.

Even those who identify as straight may want a threesome with two people of the opposite sex. The extra person adds a layer of surprise, novelty, and a sense of the taboo, since many people are wary of anything that falls outside the strict realm of “monogamy.” Plus, a threesome can bring back the energy and urgency of sex that happens when you’re not as settled down.

Yet, many couples choose not to indulge. Deciding to have sex with someone else in front of your partner is certainly not a risk-free activity. You must first consider the risk to your bodies in the form of STIs and pregnancy. But more risks come into play, too, in the emotional, social, and professional realms. “Swinging,” even as a one-time activity, is still frowned upon in certain industries, especially if you or your partner work in a religious or political arena. If you live in a particularly conservative area, you might also catch some flack if anyone finds out what you’re up to behind closed doors.

The biggest risk, however, is hurting your partner emotionally. You can’t undo or un-see what happens during a threesome, and that can have lasting implications for an otherwise healthy and satisfying relationship. Even really solid couples can make mistakes that take a while to work through because some people haven’t put a lot of forethought into their boundaries. For instance, will the third person stay the night afterward? Will your partner be upset if you cuddle afterward? Or, what if your partner was okay with oral but not penetrative sex? Every last detail must be discussed in advance, and both partners must have exceptional self-awareness for a successful threesome.

The sum total of these risk factors for an in-person threesome leads many couples to look elsewhere for fulfilling their fantasies, which is why virtual options for sexual encounters are such a popular choice.

Why Couples Might Like Sex Chatting

Chatting online with a stranger about your sexual fantasies isn’t just fun for singles; couples can have a great time, too. Reason number one? It’s hard to find a third, or unicorn, as they’re often called in the swinging circles. You want someone neither of you knows so that things don’t get messy afterward. But more than that, you want to find someone you trust who will use STI barriers and not become emotionally entangled when the encounter ends. That’s why unicorns are so named; they are incredibly hard to find. If you go on a dating site, every tenth profile will be a couple looking for someone to play with. But how many times do you find a single who wants to be with a couple? It’s very rare, indeed.

There are plenty of reasons that couples might find having an online sexual encounter emotionally and physically safer than a real-life threesome. If jealousy has been a factor in your relationship, a virtual threesome is the way to go. When the encounter is over, you can both completely and permanently end the contact with your third, and no one will be concerned about lingering feelings.

How To Find a Virtual Threesome

If you and your partner are interested in trying a virtual threesome, there are some pitfalls you’ll want to look out for. The biggest one is a site that doesn’t moderate the users or check the ages. Many people are catfishing on the web, and if you trade sexual content with a minor, that’s going to affect you for the rest of your life. Others may not have excellent privacy protocols in place, so users can get your personal information, which is certainly not what you want. So, make sure to use only sites that have proper identification protocols. Many websites that offer virtual, sex chat encounters cost money, but it’s a lot cheaper than having a permanent stain on your record.

Another pitfall of virtual threesomes is becoming camera shy. Before you and your partner get together with your unicorn, do something relaxing to help ease any pre-date nerves. Take a bath, do yoga, or have some champagne, so that you’re in a good spot mentally before you begin the hookup. And don’t forget: even if your threesome is of the virtual sort, you’ll still want to talk to your partner in detail about their boundaries—as well as your own—before getting started. It could save your relationship.